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One of the ways I've spent the most money was on folks I loved. I mean, all throughout high school I worked, and the people I dated? Well, some did but most didn't. Even for those who did work, I paid for so many dates that hindsight, I feel light-headed and form a pit in my stomach. I recognize that I show love through paying my hard(ly) earned money, but spending money on others before even paying yourself via savings isn't smart. It's nice to buy things for our loved ones, but don't bankrupt yourself while doing so. All that said, here is how to date when you are broke.
Figure Out Another Way
This is quite simply the most forward way to change up your date-spending habits. Finding other ways to show your love for someone is a sure fire way to communicate your feelings for them without breaking the bank. For the person I love most, outside of my mom, of course, cleaning their apartment or taking care of their pets is the way to go. Doing something for your partner that takes a weight off of their back is a great way to show that you see them and appreciate the things they bring into your life. It is important to recognize that, in order for this to work, your partner needs to understand these acts as loving. You can read more about "love languages" in the resources section at the bottom of this page. The only downside to this is that it more often than not involves some labor, unlike buying things, which, as nice as it can be, is a lazy act. Put your back into your love and you can never go wrong.
Get Creative
Planning a thorough date is a lot harder than advertised, whether you're spending money or not. One of the best dates I've ever planned was ocean themed and I took my partner to the Georgia Aquarium (tooo pricey), dinner, and then to see the movie, Finding Dory. It was cute and all, but it was a lot of work to plan. Planning something within a budget is even harder. Between tickets to the movies, tickets to the aquarium, and dinner, I wound up spending well over $100. This was in high school with a part time ice cream scooping job.
There are always free things to in major cities, especially museums, parks, and walks. A cheap-ish thing to do is just take a drive, listen to music and talk. Packing food for a picnic and then going for a walk may seem boring and cheesy, but you can actually get to know the person you've started to date. Paying for dates is useless if you don't actually get to know the person, how they think, their values, and what exactly they want for their future, all of which are harder to find out when you have a lot of fluff around you. Don't invest in a person or a relationship when you don't even know what you're not yet sure what you are getting from it.
I Aint Sayin She A Golddigger...
Listen, if your partner depends on you financially, if they never offer to pay for dates or even if their offers are hollow, you should consider if the money you are investing into this relationship is worth whatever you perceive to get out of it. If you not feeling lonely is worth $50 dinners and $30 movies dates for two, then go for it, that's a fair opportunity cost, but if you feel taken advantage of, you probably are being taken advantage of. Don't be a fool. I once dated this person for which they paid for our first date and then nothing else. For ten months. More so, I drove them everywhere and they did NOT live close. From movie dates to dime bags, I paid for every single thing we did together, and eventually, I stepped back and realized that for the hundreds of dollars I was spending, I felt no romantic love for this person, no devotion, no intimacy at all. It got to the point where I was buying groceries for their household and fueling their brother's problems with alcohol, leaving work early to perform acts of devotion without actually devoting myself to them at all. Dating them was something to do and honestly? I'd rather get a hobby instead. Or better yet, stay at home and be okay with being by myself.
... but I am (A Bit of A Feminist Rant)
Okay, golddiggers usually get called such because they are first, women, which is ridiculous, but secondly because they are women who refuse to date, or more emphatically, entertain the idea of a physical relationship with, a person with no money. Well, let's be clear, a man with no money. As much as I have jumped on the train of "love and marry for someone's heart," as I have (slowly) crept into adulthood, I have realized that the practical things matter too, and that includes a person who is financially stable. Frankly, it stupid to commit oneself to someone who they have to support similar to the way a mother does her child, and the expectation that specifically, women are supposed to take care of and improve men is a theme in relationships that has got to go. How are you going to put up all the money for an investment and then split the earnings with someone else? You absorb all of the risk but split the reward.
Unlike men, women are not able to be date as "works in progress" or people who are pursuing dreams, women have to already be stable, have a house, four degrees, a car, and living their dream. Why do they have to raise an adult man too? Wanting to build a partnership with someone who has their own money isn't gold-digging, it's not being a fool.
So I'll say it for all the women who date men out there: Come at us correct(ly), do not try to bring a whole other person into your life to support when you can't support yourself. You should have a job, be able to wash your clothes and butt, cook, clean, and provide for yourself. Have money and know how to use it. We have our own, why don't you? Maybe I'm just a golddigger and don't know what I'm talking about. Go off I guess. If you feel like you're being financially taken advantage of by your partner, remember this: As much as we like to think that no one could ever replace our loved ones, guess what? Someone will treat you better.
Talk To Them!
Does your partner know you're broke? We know having money conversations with the people in our lives is difficult, but presenting your financial situation as being healthier than it actually is, sets you up for disaster. If your partner wants to go out, you need to talk about how the bill will be split. Will one of you pay this time and the other pay next time? Will you guys split everything right down the middle? How will birthdays and anniversaries be taken care of? These are all super important conversations to have with your partner. Even just saying something along the lines of "I can't afford a big fancy date right now, but I would love to see you let's brainstorm some cheaper ideas" can really get a great conversation about money started. You can find some more conversation starters in the resources section below. It's super likely that person you're dating doesn't know about your financial situation at all, which, if you believe in marriage and wish to participate in the institution, then you need to know how seriously your partner manages their money. You can do this, I believe in you. It's tough but it's worth it.
Good Luck
Myaia
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